Jere-Rigged

The Big Day

It was a morning wedding, to be followed by an afternoon reception, so we all had to get out of bed at the asscrack of dawn to get to the church, where we were all dressing. If you'll recall, I'm still wearing the same clothes I flew across the country in the previous day. And, thanks to the incompetance of Men's Wearhouse, I had no idea if I'd have a tuxedo to wear to this wedding at all. By the way, the Bride did, in fact, find out about the missing tuxedo and took the news in stride. Thank goodness for small favours, you know?

I arrived at the church to find out that there was still no tuxedo. Everyone else commenced dressing. I was hoping for a shirtless view of the (potentially closeted) groomsman in the room in which the men were changing, but it was not to be. Damn those undershirts! Didn't Clark Gable kill those off after It Happened One Night?

By the way, the bride and bridesmaids got a very nice room in which to dress and primp themselves. It had carpet and comfy couches and Kleenex, among other amenities. The guys got a Sunday School classroom without even a place to hang the tuxes (those that had them).

About 10 minutes prior to the scheduled start of the pre-ceremony picture-taking, we heard a knock on the door and opened it to find a Men's Wearhouse employee with my tuxedo. It had come in that morning by FedEx and he had picked it up and brought it to the church. Whew!

Luckily, it fit perfectly and I looked pretty good. Make that...really good. Everyone was relieved. And I was pleased to have anything else to wear.

The ceremony itself was lovely and went off without a hitch. Bride was beautiful, people (read: my mother) cried. Yadda Yadda Yadda. It's a wedding...what's a wedding?...it's a prehistoric ritual where everybody promises fidelity forever...

After the ceremony, there were more pictures to be taken, including pictures with all the family members in attendance. Then we headed over to the reception, which was being held at a local botanical garden.

And, again, there was no alcohol (with the exception of enough champagne for a toast) to be had at this event. Sigh. Apparently the cost of an open bar would have added several thousand to the price tag of the whole event and my brother and his bride didn't want to overburden her family with this expense.

Highlights from the reception:

1) The "official" dance between my brother and my mother, which started out fairly traditionally as a slow dance, segued into a wild swing dance to "In The Mood." It was a crowd pleaser.

2) Dancing with one of my lesbian aunts to "When A Man Loves A Woman." I told her we were dancing ironically.

3) My brother and his new wife's triumphant departure from the reception...in a helicopter...which was kept secret from almost everyone.

Afterward, we all filtered back to the hotel to change. I called US Airways again to check on my suitcase. The agent was eventually able to track down the delivery service used to reunite wayward bags and their owners in Huntsville and I found out that my bag was a mere five minutes away. Whoopee! It was soon safe and sound in my room. I was worried that it wouldn't be delivered to the hotel in Huntsville till I was already back in New York. And that would have been typical. But I got lucky.

Anyway, I'd send a big thanks to US Airways for finding and delivering my bag...if they hadn't lost it in the first place.

I went to dinner with my dad's side of the family and then hung out again with the cousins from my mom's side of the family. The (closeted) groomsman was nowhere to be found and I...alas...didn't see him again till we were on our way to the airport the next morning.

But I did get his card. He's an extras casting agent in LA. Uh Huh. We'll see. I was sure to send him a headshot and resume as soon as I got home. If there are developments, I'll let you know. ;)

And I did get home with no trouble and all my luggage, thanks to Delta Air Lines.

And that is the end of The Cactus Wedding Tour. I had a great time, the sublets left my apartment in great shape, and I ended up getting a refund from Men's Wearhouse for the whole tuxedo debacle.

Good trip.

Posted by Jere at November 22, 2004 12:21 AM | TrackBack