The Jon Blog

DNC Redux

Well, I mean, how many surprises were there (aside from the shot of Hilllary sitting next to Willlie Nelson). Or that the "other" Carrie, Miss Sarah Jessica Parker (and Mattie B) were there, too.

Actually, to me, the biggest surprise of the Convention was how much I liked (and I'm almost embarassed to say it, because I always rather hated him before, thinking him rather opportunist and bigoted) the Rev. Al Sharpton. My favorite part of his speech was when he said that "If George W. Bush had appointed the Supreme Court in 1954, I venture to say to you that Clarence Thomas would never have made it to law school." (Perhaps not his exact words, but pretty damn close, alright?)

The other surprise? How much I watched it... and enjoyed it. I got all patriotic and sentimental. I really had fun, even, when they weren't saying much of anything. Whatever, it's over now, and I can tell you that I don't plan to be paying much attention to what the Republicans are saying. I mean, it's not like George W. Bush can do much of anything to win my vote.

Travelling in Irony

Well, irony's probably not the best word, but I'm rather annoyed and somewhat confused at the drama of airfare. See, I probably need to go to DC in September. And since I got an email from Orbitz advertising that there's a fare sale and I could possibly get a fare as low as $104 roundtrip, I thought I'd check. Well, for the dates that I need, I can get a fare of $122. But that's from Newark to Dulles. And since it costs me about $20 each way for LaGuardia, but at least $50 each way for Newark, that's $60 right there. And I have no clue how much time and energy it costs to get from Dulles to Dupont Circle, well... But I do know it's an easy subway ride from National. (I refuse to call it Reagan, no matter how cool it was that RR Jr. spoke at the DNC last night).

So of course, the ideal fare is from LaGuardia (the Delta shuttle is soooo easy) to National. And that's $227. But so much faster to do.

And that just leaves me with one question: Why can't the fare I actually need be the cheap one? *Shaking fist angrily at the gods of airplane pricing*

So Much for an Impartial Media

"Somebody's out there screaming about something,'' Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly said while, over his shoulder, Maryland Sen. Barbara Mikulski addressed the convention. ``I don't know what it is and it really doesn't matter at this point.'' (AP Wire on NYTimes.com)

Sure, I don't expect the networks to broadcast the conventions gavel-to-gavel. But just because you happen to be a Republican, that doesn't permit you to be an idiot. Well, I guess if it works for their president...

An aside: isn't it ironic that Fox is the network of such staunchly conservative "news" mongers but at the same time, home to such things as "The Simpsons"?

My Favorite Things

(Note, this is not a G rated entry, in case you care.)

So one of my most beloved fetishes is a cute (hot) guy wearing those really sexy track pants. You know the ones I mean? They're full length athletic pants. Sometimes they have the snaps up the side, sometimes not, but they're of a shiny, drapey, sort of clingy fabric? Well, if you don't know what I'm talking about, I feel sorry for you.

Anyhow, so on Saturday morning, while doing a couple pre-work errands, I saw two guys wearing such pants. And neither had any underwear on. It was a lovely thing. Saw very nice cock detailings on the first one, and the second one did that "hike up the pants" thing while standing right in front of me. And he had a very nice ass. *Schwing*!

Purr-fect!

So last night, I went to the Blue Note. Why? Well, a certain 77 year old diva was giving a show. Yes indeed, Eartha Kitt.

Boy and girls, I have to tell you, Miss Eartha has GOT it. Get thee to the Blue Note and see this show, if you can. She's there til Sunday.

The voice, the legs, the shimmy, the style, the stories. God, it was wonderful. And fag-tastic, too. Lots of cuties in the crowd. But none compared to Miss Eartha (who shook my hand, no less. I'm going to wash it again, though, don't worry).

There was a moment (during "C'est Si Bon," natch) where she was interacting with this goumba in the audience... chatting him up in French, no less, and she asked him if he parlez-vous-ed. "Je parle francais un tres peut," he replied.

"Et tres mal," she retorted. (It's hysterical if you actually speak French). She tried him in Spanish, too, to even less success. I'm not sure if this was funnier than when she singled out a (different) guy in the front row and proceeded to shimmy and shake and basically belly dance to a very seductive song, and the (young, straight) guy clearly wasn't "moved." At the end of her substantial efforts (hell, I almost had a hard on, she was amazing), she said to him, "Next time, bring your father." The crowd exploded into laughter. She's a feisty one, Miss Eartha!

So fuck the nunnery, get thee to the land of the real Catwoman, Miss Eartha Kitt. At the Blue Note through Sunday. Go! Get thee hence!

(Speaking of "real" Catwomen, what's Julie Newmar up to these days, anyhow?)

Bound to Happen

Canadian Lesbians File for Divorce.

Same sex marriage. Same Sex Divorce. Oy vey. Well, all anyone ever said was that we wanted to be treated equally.

Four Blocks

Yes, I just walked four blocks. Isn't it pathetic that four blocks feels like a major accomplishment? It does, though. It hurt a bit and it took a long time, but you can tell that I'm feeling (at least somewhat) better than I was a few days ago. Don't get me wrong, I felt really rather silly out there, getting passed by decrepit old people. I mean, normally, I'm a rather speedy walker. I must have been a sight, I tell you, walking somewhat hunched, in a bright red shirt, cargo shorts, Birkenstocks (you want to try bending over to tie shoes in this sort of back situation?) and the LL Bean hat I wore in Africa. I haven't showered today and my too-long hair is quite the fright wig. I need to get it cut, but that's a whole nother story.

Anyhow, I bet you're wondering, assuming you've read along this far already, why I walked four blocks. Hopefully you've done the smart thing and figured out that I went somewhere a whopping two blocks away. Two blocks uptown, and then two more downtown to get home. Not counting the stop at Duane Reade to pick up more anti-inflammatories. Two blocks. To Dunkin Donuts.

I was really craving one of their iced lattes. Did you know that Dunkin Donuts' coffee is leaps and bounds better than Starbucks? And half a block closer to my street, too. Which is significant in times like these... And it doesn't hurt that it's a lot cheaper, too.

I Thought I Was On the No-Call List

And yet I've gotten three calls from telephone solicitors this morning already. What an annoyance! I mean, if, in the midst of all my pain, I have to get up to go get the phone, couldn't it at least be someone perverted, you know, "What are you wearing" and all that?

Although can you claim to have spoken to NARAL in the nude today?

I can!

Lucky

Thank God that my medical experiences today didn't come anywhere near what this guy had to deal with... Yikes!

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Morphine!

Ah.... the doctor gave me an injection of Demerol. In my ass, no less. First time a guy's been near my ass with something long and hard in a long time. Too bad it was just a needle full of narcotics. Well, actually not entirely too bad as I do feel better now. Still have pain, still have some difficulty, etc, but much better. He also gave me a steroid injection which should help with inflammation. And I get to go pick up my prescription for Percocet now.

Would you believe that when I told my father (who's also a doctor) that I was getting Percocet, his response was something to the effect of, "Wow, think how much you could get for that on the street!"

"Dad, I'm not selling this. I'm takin' it!"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the druggie type, but man, do I need this right about now. Pain is no fun.

Pain and Dinner

So the back pain really isn't any better today.

I'm going to the Doctor's in a couple hours (he's seeing me at 2:30pm), and hopefully I'll get some good serious pain medicine. Please, please, please.

Because the wine and the expired Aleve I took last night didn't really do much of anything. And I found the unexpired Advil this morning but it didn't do much either.

Wine, you ask? What wine? Yes, I did go to the "fancy dinner" for which I had reservations. If it had been any other restaurant aside from Per Se, I would have cancelled the reservations. But seeing how I had to make these reservations like 8 weeks ago, and I knew how much harder it is to get in now than it was 8 weeks ago, well, I bucked up and went.

It's a lovely restaurant, probably the gem of the Time Warner Center (I've eaten at all the restaurants there and this one was my favorite). Lovely view of the park, beautiful table, everything going really nicely until the waitress spilled my $18 cocktail. Partly on me. And proceeded to help me dry my leg!

Anyhow, after the table linens were replaced, we sat back down and proceeded to have a simply divine meal. Oysters with Iranian Osetra Caviar. Lobster Tail with melted leeks and Red Beet Reduction. Sirloin of Rabbit, which was made all the funnier by the fact that I started singing "Little Bunny Fou-Fou" to my dining companion. Et cetera. A lovely, lovely meal (aside from the lap-cocktail). Great wine (a wonderful Tokaji, a Puligny-Montrachet, and Joseph Phelps Insignia '96, which is an out-of-this-world-good red). Not cheap, but wonderful... There are really only two things that would have made it better. 1) No back pain and 2) no cocktails in my lap. Well, and seeing a couple of the really cute waiters naked wouldn't have hurt, either.

Then I got to come home, back to my pain. It was hard to sleep because I couldn't find a comfortable position. At some point, I figured I'd just stay awake until the desk opened at work so I could call in sick. I mean, I have a job where I'm expected to stand 90% or more of the time, and well, there's just no way that was happening today. I'm dubious whether it'll be able to happen tomorrow. Well, I'll know more after I see the doctor. Now, how am I gonna bend down to get socks onto those feet? They seem so far away today...

Pain, Thy Name Is...

...My back.

To be more correct, the upper back portion of my right hip. I think I may have pinched a nerve or pulled a muscle or something. I don't remember a specific moment of "pain beginning" but I recall multiple moments of significant pain. This is not fun.

I was sitting on the sofa this afternoon and had a pain spasm which made it frightfully hard to get up from said sofa. I had to go to the bathroom, though, and I was nervous about whether I'd make it or not. That kind of pain. I made it, which is especially good considering my hatred of cleaning. I took a hot, hot shower and a couple Aleve. Minor difference but the Aleve isn't doing all I thought it might. Crappy OTC bullshit.

Anyhow, I have a fancy dinner to go out to tonight, of course, so I'm a bit nervous about the mobility involved; I'm just figuring, "Get in the chair; you can sit in it for a long time."

I don't feel as bad as Miss Blanche Hudson must have, once her sister had her all trussed up in that bed. Yes, I finally watched Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Ooh, what a fabulous and twisted movie. And I actually feel that, now I've seen the movie, I can legitimately use my favorite quote from it, "But you are, Blanche. You are."

Hooray!

The Amendment is Dead.

And ain't nobody gonna say "Long live the amendment."

Take a Second...

CNN.com has a "QuickVote" on their front page right now. The question?

"Should there be a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriages?"

Please take a moment and go vote against it. We currently lead 64% to 36% but we need as many votes as we can get. Little places like this, I think, still make a difference. And it's easy and free.

Concerto for Elton and Orchestra

So first of all, the concert was amazing but I probably would have enjoyed it more had there been more of the music I know better. And I would have preferred a sound balance that emphasized the orchestra a teeny bit better. And I sort of thought that Elton and his band, backed up by a choir and a full orchestra, would have done a knock-your-socks off version of "Circle of Life," but instead, they did, as their final encore, an incredible, incomparable, stunning rendition of "Your Song."

What made it all that amazing? The special guest, my favorite diva and yours, the inimitable Renee Fleming. Yes, two divas, Elton and Renee, sharing the stage.

I came in my pants and yelled so hard I lost my voice.

But it was worth it.

God damn, was it worth it.

Condoleeza Fried Rice

So I was at Starbucks today, chatting up my ghetto lesbo friend. And there's a TV in this Starbucks which today, for some ungodly reason, was tuned in to CNN. And who were they interviewing but the evil Miss Condoleeza, envy of none of the drag queens I ever met.

So we started talking about Good Ole Condi that skank. Her buck teeth, her conservative freak-ness, and the recent "Vanity Fair" article which quoted her as slipping and referring to W. as her "husb... I mean, The President."

The main reason this becomes a story worth blogging about is this: so here we are, shooting the shit about Miss Condi, and this conservative suit guy comes up (it's a Starbucks, not like we're anywhere private) and is amazed to overhear what appears to be a black woman (her, not me, obviously) about Miss Condi. "You don't like Condoleeza Rice?" he asks.

"We were just talking about her," replies my black lesbian barista minimum-wage-or-not-much-better friend.

"She's a really important political figure," the suit-guy 'informs' her (and me).

I'm like, Duh. She's also the pawn of an arrogant, insipid, anti-underclass president who panders to the rich. Give me one good reason why any barista should like Condi... or anyone else in the White House at this moment.

Did I mention that I had a hotel guest tell me to make sure I voted for John Kerry?

The First Thing We Do...

Let's figure out what's wrong with the Actors, and with the Producers, too.

Bottom line, they both need to do whatever they can do to avoid a strike. Bottom line. Period, the end.

It's clear that a strike will do more harm than good. And quite honestly, the financial ramifications of a strike, especially when you factor in the shows which will close, could be almost as bad (if not worse) for the producers than conceding to a few more of Equity's demands.

But the actors need to understand that unless they give a little bit more on the road show department, they won't have road shows to be in.

So close, and yet so far. Makes me want to slap someone. Or maybe that's just the fact that I haven't slapped anyone in a long time...

Although I did want to smack a few people on the airplane to Seattle last week. First off, the kid behind me, who screamed half the time, and spent the time he wasn't screaming fiddling with the latch on the tray table on the seat next to me... where our second problem was sitting: the guy next to me. He was wearing those shorts that are somewhere between swim trunks and shorts -- and he was not of the skinny persuasion, which is fine, but it would have been a whole lot less evil if he somehow had managed to fasten the shorts adequately around his waist so that his ass wasn't totally hanging out each and every time he got up. If he'd have had a cute ass, well, that might have been a different situation, but it was a singularly unattractive hairy ass. Just not the kind of thing you want to be squeezed in next to on the plane.

Speaking of airplanes, has anyone other than me noticed that some years ago, a Boeing 737 used to have a 5 seats across configuration: 2 chairs, aisle, 3 chairs. Now it's 6. 3, aisle, 3. Now, the plane hasn't gotten wider, but the people have. And yet the airlines think it's a good idea to cram more of us into less space? Egads. And should we be concerned about all the extra weight involved? Or can we just pretend that we didn't see anything and just go on with our lives?

Matrimonial Brou-Ha-Ha

Barbara Ehrenreich in today's Times on Bush, poor women, marriage and "gay marriage."

The best quote:

"How the married gays will go about wrecking heterosexual marriages is not entirely clear: by moving in next door, inviting themselves over and doing a devastating critique of the interior decorating?"

Indeed, this has been the thing I've kept saying: Who gets hurt by gay marriage (except for possibly the jilted muscle queen)? I like how she put it, though. And the jilted muscle queen can just have another protein-shake-ecstasy cocktail...

The Best Dinner Party Ever

So Seattle was wonderful. All 59 hours of it. Except for the few I spent stressing about the fact that Continental fucked up my seat assignment during online check-in so I ended up without the window seat I wanted.

The highlight of the trip was dinner with six fabulous friends on Wednesday evening. The peope who I went out with mostly know each other but there were a few who met each other that evening, and some who should see more of each other more often... which totally applies to me. But the best thing was that the conversation just flowed naturally. Granted, we used some wonderful grapes to lubricate it, but it was just a great time. Seven people, five of whom imbibed in the Dionysian fruits, four bottles of wine, lots of silliness, some good food, and four hours. Isn't that what it's all about? I felt just so wonderful about life after that dinner... except for the part about not seeing those wonderful people often enough. But you know, if we all lived in the same city, we probably wouldn't have managed to get together for that type of evening. So it was totally worth it, and that made the trip 100% worthwhile.

There were a few other wonderful moments in the trip, too, such as touring Seattle's new downtown library, an astonishing building by Rem Koolhaus. They have wonderful collections, too. I really enjoyed meandering there. I wonder if NYC's libraries are comparable. The only experience I have with the NYPL is at the 53rd Street or 58th Street locations, neither of which are stellar examples of library science. Of course, someone is probably better qualified than anyone else I know to answer any question about the NYPL system, or at least about a branch of theirs.

Another wonderful moment? The Seattle Art Museum is exhibiting masterpieces from the Kroller-Mueller Museum in Holland. Oddly enough, I have actually visited this museum in person (on that whirlwind post-college-graduation European tour), but it was great to see the art again. The highlight of the show was Van Gogh's "The Night Cafe." The show had great art but in my opinion was fairly crappily organized in the museum: too many "important" paintings too close together, around funky corners, etc, so that there were too many people in a bunch to be able to view the paintings well. They definitely needed a better sense of spatial organization. But the art was great and that's a big part of what counts.

There are lots of cute guys in Seattle, too, so the boy-watching was fun.

All in all, it was just a lot of fun. Pacific Northwest rain, sun, clouds, friends, and fun. But still, it's great to be home.

Gone Fishin'

Well, I'm about to head out to Newark for a short little flight to Seattle.

It's going to be nice to see old friends again, and to just be out of the City for a few days. I really like it out there. But I'm glad I live here, and I'll be back in just a couple days. Really, it's a very, very, short trip. You won't even notice I'm gone. Promise.

Happy Independence Day

Thanks Jonathon, your contribution of $50 has been approved.
Thank you very much for your generous contribution to the campaign. Your support helps the campaign build our team against the powerful special interests of George Bush. Together, we can build a stronger America.

While I am certain you are asked to give to many causes, your commitment to my campaign and to the larger political process is humbling and much appreciated.

Signed, John Kerry.

That's how I'm celebrating my Independence this year, hoping for a new President. Oh, and I'll be going to work. So how independent am I?

Ask A Stupid Question...

So I went up to the counter at Duane Reade with my intended purchases in hand. I placed the Advil Cold and Sinus and the Cold-Ease Lozenges on the counter. The cashier asked me, "How are you today?"

I was like, it's not completely obvious from my tired, glazed look and the fact that I'm buying pseudoephrine?

In other news, what the fuck is this all about?

I mean, really... isn't odd that a song like "YMCA" has become about nothing anywhere near being related to what it is actually about? I mean, the song is about getting blowjobs in the shower from fags... and Colin is singing this at a conference in Jakarta???

Woo Hooooooooo!

Guys Gone Wild! Finally! Cheap, crappy, pseudo-porn is going mainstream.

I'll Have What She's Having.

CNN.com on imitating scenes from movies.

My favorite movie scenes to reenact are, of course, at the corner of Houston and Ludlow (that's Katz's Deli where the titular quote took place in the movie "When Harry Met Sally," which is another show I plan to see in London when I go in August.) and I enjoy singing... and dancing... in the rain do do do do do do do do do...

God, I'm gay.