The Jon Blog

Surprise, Surprise

So Bill Frist (R-TN), the Senate Majority Leader, opposes gay marriage. I don't have a problem with him personally opposing gay marriage. People are entitled to their personal opinions. But I do have a major problem with his targeting gay rights in the political arena.

#1: He "said the Supreme Court's decision last week on gay sex threatens to make the American home a place where criminality is condoned." (AP - see the article)

#2: "I very much feel that marriage is a sacrament, and that sacrament should extend and can extend to that legal entity of a union between -- what is traditionally in our Western values has been defined -- as between a man and a woman. So I would support [a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage].''

Well, here's what I have to say to you, Mr. Frist:

Wake up and smell the coffee, you facist son of a bitch. Legalizing a means by which hundreds of thousands of Americans personally express themselves - in the privacy of their own homes - has nothing to do with criminality. Heck, even when they don't do it in their homes, as long as it's in an appropriate place, how on earth is that criminal? How does that even come close to selling crack, or prostitution?

Marriage may well be a sacrament, but if it is, then it should have absolutely nothing to do with the government at all. Sacraments are part of Church rites, and one thing which has been part of the constitution for over 200 years is the separation of Church and State. If you want your church to ban gay marriage, go for it. But before you just go and say that gay marriage is tantamount to the coming of Armageddon, go meet a couple gay people.

Find out who they are. Find out that they love their partners just as much, if not more, than so many straight (married) couples do. Be decent. Allow these people the common dignity to make legal and medical and personal choices for their spouses, because that's what they are, spouses, the same way that any straight couple could be. Allow them to adopt. There are caring, loving gay men out there who would make better parents than 90% of the stupid heteros who only have to have sex to get to have a baby. Just because straights biologically can, doesn't mean that they deserve. But look at the people who do deserve, and who want so deeply to be able to share their lives with a child.

Think about the gay people who have contributed to our nation; to our arts; to our society. Think about the gay people who will contribute more in the future. And perhaps, most importantly, don't you, Mr. Frist, as the Majority Leader of the Senate in a country with crises in foreign policy, in medical and health management policy, in domestic issues from education to homelessness, don't you have more important things to worry about than the fact that two people may choose to express their deep love for each other in a way that didn't occur to you or your church? Don't you have better things to do?

Call This, Motherfucker!

Well, I have now gone and eliminated another source of contact with the outside world. But this one, I think, is in a good way...

I signed up for the national registry of Leave Me The Fuck Alone, You Insipid Telemarketing Fuck.

The ironic thing about this is that for one short summer of my life, I actually worked as a telemarketer. I made calls for the Alley Theatre in Houston. I was an undergraduate at the time at Rice University, which, like the theatre, is in Houston, and I had a summer internship at the theatre working in public relations (and I got to spend a few days in the scene shop, too, painting the set for a production of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"). But since it was an unpaid position, they took pity on me and gave me a part time position with their telemarketing office, and I worked a bit in the gift shop, too, during the intermissions.

"Hi, this is Jon calling from the Alley Theatre. I know you just came and saw our production of 'Forever Plaid.' How did you like it?... Oh, you did? I'm so glad. Well if you liked that, I'm sure you'd love our upcoming season. You should get a season ticket! One of the highlights is Robert Wilson's new post-modern production of Georg Buchner's 'Danton's Death.'... What, you hate post modern crap? Awww, I'm sorry... OK, I promise I'll never call you during dinner again... Bye now!"

I actually sold a couple of subscriptions, and was able to afford my way through the summer, mostly on Ramen and cheap vodka. But that was years ago, and now this, my last link to the wonderful world of telemarketing has come to a close. Why do I not give a damn?

Oh Happy Day

Between the rejoicing over the Supremes' decision and the fact that this asshole finally died, something tells me that June 26th is a day to be celebrated from this day hence! I propose that June 26 should be the Official Gay Pride Day. And the Sunday where we have a big parade can just be Gay Pride Day (Observed). Kind of like President's Day.

Who's with me?

Hooray for Buttsex!

So the Supremes have issued a landmark ruling, striking down a Texas sodomy law. The best coverage I've found so far is from Tin Man. He's a lawyer, so we know he knows what he's talking about.

I feel happy... I may not be practicing sodomy all that frequently, but, well... it's nice to know that I could if I wanted to!

I Can't See My Hairy Palms

According to this simple equation, I have made 48.75 gallons and 406.838445 lbs. of jizz in my life.

If I lined up my ejaculations in 1 inch pools end to end it would strech the length of 2.6 football fields!

I have killed approximately 1,684,800,000,000 little swimmers.
I have killed 9360 kittens.

(I don't get the part about the kittens but I have no problem with the rest of it.)

Because Referral Logs are Fun

Today, I found this.

The other highlight of my gay theatre loving day was a hysterical episode of "Frasier" with two (count 'em, two) fabulous ladies who both have won Tony Awards for Best Featured Actress in a Musical:

Kristen Chenoweth and Harriet Harris.

Yay.

The lowpoint of the day was finding out in the comments to my last blog entry that drug for my malaria prophylaxis (don't you love that word?) can cause severe neuropsychiatric disorders.

But at least I found out one of the potential side effects of Ambien (aside from last night - the best night's sleep I've had in ages): Drowsiness.

The Price is Right

Ticket for 40 hours, 19,000 miles round trip... $640

Hotel room for eight nights... $1298

Ambien to help sleep on said plane and in said hotel... $34

Finally having an opportunity to buy anti-malarial drugs... Priceless

Take Me Out...

So last night my alma mater won their first ever national sports title - the College World Series.

And I was surprised by my own reaction: I checked the web for fares to Houston to go and celebrate at the party the university's throwing tonight.

Or maybe I just wanted to have really good barbeque... or fajitas...

It was over $1000, so I guess we'll never find out.

Harry and Carrie and Canada, oh my!

Well, we had a very pleasant weekend here at The Jon Blog. It began on Saturday morning with a walk to work which included a stop-off at Borders book shop to pick up Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I was very happy to get it, as I'm a big fan of the series. I still don't get why people think that these are "children's book." Whoever heard of an 800 page children's book where people wake up screaming in the middle of the night?

Then I went to work - a mid shift, which was a pleasant change from my normal 3-12 shift. One rather fabulous part of work on Saturday was that there was a bridal party getting ready for a wedding that evening, and by some freak occurrence, I ended up being the one to go to their suite and steam out the wrinkles on one of the bridesmaids' dresses - and the bridal gown itself! So that was fab... I also got to open the bride's bottle of afternoon champagne. Whee!

And after work, I subwayed it down to Madison Square Garden for the Dixie Chicks concert. That was a lot of fun, except why would people actually go to their concert and pay money to boo? There were a couple of those. But most of the people were there to enjoy the music, to get their country groove on, and to show support for these brave, talented women.

After the concert, I came home and read a bit more Harry Potter before I went to bed. I was extraordinarily tired - partyly, I think, from only having one day off last week, but also from just not getting enough sleep (or healthy food) last week... So I set the alarm clock for 12:30, when I went to bed at 2am.... which would have made it very leisurely to get to work for the 3pm shift. I woke up around 11am and went to the bathroom, then got back in bed. Thought I might not fall asleep, but knew the book was there on the bedside table just in case. Well, I fell back asleep, magically... and it was sort of that lazy sleep where you're not totally out of it but you're mostly there, but you know the alarm is going to go off soon enough... Well, I finally got out of bed going, it's got to go off any minute -- it's been way longer than an hour and a half, hasn't it? Well, I was right. It was 2:09, and I'd forgotten to actually turn the alarm clock ON. So I scrambled into the shower, rushed to work, and made it on time, which was great. Too bad it was such a slow day at work.

But when I got home from work last night, the new episode of Sex in the City. I was very pleased with their take on the closing of the Lure... and the gorgeous man who Samantha fucked, well, he didn't hurt, either. Really, the only problem was that TiVo was slightly miscalibrated in the time department, and I missed the very end of the episode... So I know that Carrie called Burger and asked him to meet her at the movie theatre -- and they both said what a funny coincidence they were both in the same neighborhood -- but why was Carrie using a payphone instead of her cell, and what did they say after that? Oh well, maybe I'll find out one of these days.

In other news, Canada has legalized gay marriage. Here are two interesting links to newsy analyses of this; one more conservative and the other more gay. Note that the second article is perhaps one of the funniest things I've ever read in the news.

Here's my question about the issue. Detractors of gay marriage are all citing the "sanctity of the American family," and the importance of marriage as a male/female union. But wasn't marriage, as an institution, initially an issue of property? Remember the time (from history, not from personal experience) when women had to have an ample dowry in order to snag a husband? Women were chattel - the man's property - he owned her, and yet her family had to pay the man to take her away.

And so in my fucked up version of logic, shouldn't the future of marriage be based on love rather than property? I mean, it already seems that we've gotten this far. Marriage is supposed to be an institution based on love, respect, compassion and caring. So who gives a shit if the people who get married are boys or girls or some combination thereof?

Or maybe the bigger question is, if this is the history of what marriage is about, why do gays and lesbians want to be able to get married at all? I mean, I understand the issues about legal protection and support of a partnership, but... on another level, isn't getting married just another way we're trying to subscribe to their patriarchal, heterosexist agenda?

It's just a thought... and if I had someone I were in love with, I'd probably feel differently about it... but as a jaded single guy, well, can you blame me?

From the fucked up news media

Via CNN, we bring you this. Note in particular the part about who was with him in the room when he did this.

Casual (Food) Friday

Today was a very nutritious day in our diet here at the Jon Blog. (IA, you'll be proud.)

Two cupcakes, some pigs in a blanket, cheese sticks, mini-eggrolls, a soft pretzel, a peanut butter cookie, a Coke, a double espresso, and a Tazoberry Frappuccino. Oh, and a chili-cheese-guacamole burrito monstrosity.

Please excuse me, I have to go be sick now...

New York, New York

So it seems that so many of us (myself included) get too wrapped up in our daily lives to stop and smell the proverbial roses of New York City. Of course, this being NYC, nothing smells quite like roses. But you know what I mean? There's so much New York out there that we never get around to exploring - we have our five block radius around the apartment and the five block radius around work and never get outside of it...

So I decided to do some fun New York things the past couple of days. Last night, I went to the Metropolitan Opera House where the American Ballet Theatre performed an amazing "Swan Lake." I have never seen such beautiful dancing. I'm by no means a balletomane, I don't know the difference between 3rd and 5th position, but I do know that I was moved. The lady in the row behind me was moved, too. She kept commenting, out loud, on how moved she was. After the first act ended, I turned around and what I meant to say was "Would you please be quiet?" or something like that. Instead, the adrenalin hit my system - or something - and I said, and I quote unto you words which I shall never forget having said - "You need to shut up!" I know I should have been more polite, but that's just what came out!

Tonight after work, I hooked up with a friend from out of town and some other New Yorker friends of hers. We had cocktails in the lounge of a swank hotel, she expensed it to her room; we tooled around in the one guy's SUV. We drove through Union Square, then we went down to 6th Street and ate in one of the Indian restaurants, it was good, although when we went into the restaurant, I really thought it smelled like kitty litter. After dinner, because the out of towner had never been, we took her to Magnolia Bakery and got cupcakes. Hooray! They really have the yummiest cupcakes there. Then they actually drove me home. Well, almost - he stopped a block away from my apartment, but I really couldn't complain. And now I'm home, blogging for you, my loyal readers. So as you can see, it was a rather lovely few days - aside from my unintentional rudeness to the lady at the ballet. Then again, she was ruder. And the people sitting on either side of me approved of the way I handled the situation. (And it worked. She remained practicly silent for the duration of the ballet.)

In other, much more important news, a great guy, a friend of mine, one of my favorite bloggers - indeed, the guy who really got me interested in blogging in the first place - is going through some really rough personal stuff. Please take the time to give Mike a hug. Hey, I never asked you to do anything before, did I?

All The Nudes That're Fit to Print

The New York Times, The Grey Lady, the bastion of Journalism brings us this, an article on nudist summer camps for teens.

Mmm-kay...

Finding My Inner Femme

So as I have mentioned in passing, I decided to learn how to knit. Now that I have begun the learning process, I have this proclamation to make.

If everyone in the world spent a little more time knitting, the world would be a better place.

Knitting is fun and relaxing. And at the same time, you're creating something!

In other news, I am developing a theory that Starbucks Frappuccinos have a secret, addictive ingredient. Just a theory...

In yet other news, I was delighted to see that some folks who were at the Sing along Wizard of Oz with me found my blog. Check out their comments here.

In yet other other news, I would like to take a brief moment to remember Hume Cronyn. He and his wife, the late Jessica Tandy, were two of the most wonderful actors of the 20th century, and a moving, beautiful example of what a married couple could and should be. RIP.

Sibling Rivalry

So my sister is in town for a bridal shower tomorrow afternoon. I am doing her a favor by giving her a few bottles of champagne to take to the shower. Isn't that nice of me?

Now, she's joining me for breakfast tomorrow morning. And wouldn't you think that if you were my sister and I was giving you three bottles of Veuve Cliquot that the least you could do is take a cab from Irving Place to the East 60's? But no... not this sister! I have to get up early (I just got home from work now), and take myself and the champagne down to Park Avenue South.

Yes, instead of each of us doing the other a favor, I'm doing three for her.

Aren't I nice?

Friends of Dorothy

So last night I went to the Sing-a-Long Wizard of Oz. Of course it was a bizarre crowd - part homos, part familys with small children, and a smattering of fag hags and others - and of course it was fabulous.

There was a guy with a goatee wearing the best pair of ruby slippers (with 2" heels, yet), there was a very buxom "Whorothy," there was someone (still not sure if it was a man or woman) dressed as the tornado, there were lots of cute little 3 year old girls dressed up as Dorothy (some replete with wigs!), but it was not as cult-y as when I went to the Sing-a-long Sound of Music a few years ago. I think partly this is a tribute to the movie - people were much more reluctant to shout things out at the screen, especially any unscripted Rocky Horror type of comment - at Oz. None of Mother Abbess saying, "What is it you cunt face," during this. I managed to sneak one in, though, which made most of my neighbors laugh pretty hard: When the house lands in Oz, there's a moment of serious silence while Dorothy is walking from the bed to the front door. The camera shows her face, and I announced, "All that wind, and my hair's still perfect."

Now of course, the Gershwin Theatre last night was a fag-fest. And you know, of course, that means that I was sitting next to a 6 year old. Of course, maybe he will grow up to be a fag, or maybe not. But I wasn't about to ask for his phone number. I have bad seat karma at gay events, though. Many years ago, I came to the city to see David Drake in "The Night Larry Kramer Kissed Me." And got seated between the aisle and a grandmother. Granted it was cool that someone's grandma was there, but couldn't they have sat me next to a cute guy - which would have been any other seat in the theatre? And the same for last night. Come to think of it, the 6 year old was straight. How do I know?

He fell asleep during the movie. And of course, he started to wake up at the end, when "There's no place like home," and I'm sobbing like the true homosexual I am, and this kid, disoriented from waking up in a dark theatre, decided I was his dad, and started touching me. It was creepy.

In other news, yes, I go to sing-a-long movies by myself. Thank you.

From the Wonderful World of the Web

Here is further proof that broccoli is an evil conspiracy.

My Mother Murdered Broadway

My parents are coming to the city in August, and my mother really loves Broadway theatre. So of course, she's bought a lot of tickets for a lot of shows.

Oddly, it appears that practically every show she has purchased tickets for... has announced a closing.

"Little Shop of Horrors"
"A Year With Frog and Toad"
"La Boheme"
"The Play What I Wrote."

So be afraid on behalf of:
"Long Day's Journey..."
"Avenue Q" and
"Nine"

In the future, I have told my mother that she's not allowed to buy any Broadway tickets until the day of the show.

Who Didn't See That Coming?

Well, last night I called Williams Sonoma Boy and left a voice mail saying, give me a call so we can figure out what we're doing tomorrow night (which is now tonight, of course, because the laws of nature work that way).

Well, of course, seeing as how the laws of nature conspire to keep me in my place, he didn't call back. Then again, he could call back this afternoon.

I'm guessing he found the blog? Eh. Oh well, it means I don't have to do as immaculate a job cleaning the apartment today...

Untitled # 1 in Grey and Sienna

Well, all sorts of things have been happening lately. Nothing too terribly unusual, but some things that I should probably write down nonetheless.

The Tonys, of course, were Sunday night. I'm a little bit shocked that "Gypsy" was totally snubbed. I mean, I enjoyed "Hairspray" a lot, and I was especially glad that Harvey Firestein beat Antonio Banderas (oooh, now that I'd like to see), but I was waffling on the Marissa/Bernadette thing. Especially because I saw "Hairspray" again last week, and I just didn't think that her performance was earth-shattering. Then again, it was a ton of fun (even though she was flat a couple times). And when I saw Bernadette Peters as Mama Rose, I didn't think she was brilliant. But, I saw it before she "found the character," and I definitely didn't see the same show that Ben Brantley (the Times' critic who raved) saw.

Working in the hotel, of course, there were quite a few Tony-goers and it was a lot of fun to watch them all parading through the lobby in their finery. I got to tie one man's bow tie, and I chatted up the delivery goumba from Harry Winston's who was waiting for one of the nominees to check in. She was stuck in traffic due to the Puerto Rican Parade. We also had more than one wedding going on, so you can imagine the confusion and commotion that ensued because of that. But then, of course, I got to speak to the aforementioned Tony-nominee, which was really cool.

In other news, I chatted briefly on the phone with Williams Sonoma Boy. I think that I will cease hyperlinking him from now on, as regular readers of my blog know what I'm talking about, and the rest of you can just rely on the search function if you want to track this developing story as it happens. We made tentative plans to do something tomorrow evening. We didn't even decide what the "something" is (well, maybe he did?), but said that we'd speak on the phone today to figure out something more concrete. I hope I like him as much outside of the store as I did inside the store. The phone conversation went well. The Tonys were mentioned, and, of course, so was Hillary's new book. I mean, how can you not?

I had a delicious guacamole burger from Jackson Hole for dinner last night. Their burgers are so yummy.

Well, kids, I think that's enough rambling for now. I'm going to go to work. Hooray!

Le French Press

Remember Williams Sonoma Boy?

Well, today I had occasion to stop by Williams Sonoma. And when I walked in the door, well, guess who was standing at the door on greeter patrol? Yup, you guessed it! ;-) And he rememberd me!

So he helped me get my French press coffee maker, and then, well... we got to talking a little bit, and, well, guess what was in my pocket when I left the store? Yup, you guessed it - his phone number!

In other news, there were lots of fabulous Tony Awards guests hanging out at the hotel tonight. Very glamorous and fabulous.

Being Mayor is Great, But I'd Rather Be Antonio Banderas

Yeah, well, I'm pretty damn proud of these two.

What the Heck?

For some reason, my TiVo recorded 8 episodes of something called "Even Stevens" from the Disney Channel. Fortunately all these should be erased this evening when TiVo records the Tony Awards.

In other news, I'm contemplating learning how to knit so that I have something to do on the 20 hour flight to Bangkok. I checked, knitting needles are allowed in carry-on luggage. And there's a place on Lexington that does knitting lessons. I'm sooooo there.

Porn is Blessing

No, seriously. I was reading the guidebook on Thailand I got from the library, and it said, in the little intro to the Thai language, that Porn is Blessing. I cheered out loud.

Speaking of porn, it's strange. I'm in my early thirties now, and I can really notice a difference in my sex drive as I am "beginning to age." I'm not as horny as I used to be. I used to get really distracting hard-ons all the time if I didn't jerk off twice a day. Now I jack off once a day or so... out of pleasure more than neccesity. Granted, I'm glad that it's fun, but it was, on a certain carnal level, more fun when I had that driving urge from my body that I had to be jerking off all the time. Or getting laid.

As I mentioned a week or so ago, I haven't had sex since mid-March. And I'm rather embarrassed to admit that I don't really mind - at least not on a physical level. On an emotional level, I'm kind of depressed that I don't miss it, but at the same time, I don't. I haven't really met any guys lately who I've been especially attracted to (well, there was Williams Sonoma boy the other day... Part of my lack of sexual desire may have to do with the fact that I've been overeating and underexercising, leading to a bit more of a tummy than I ought to have.

But that doesn't really explain all of it. I think that I have just gone into one of those phases where I'm not interested in casual sex. I seem to go in cycles about casual sex. Sometimes I'm all about it, and sometimes I just have no interest. Obviously, right now is one of those whatever times in that department. Although I occasionally see a guy who I think is hot - like Williams Sonoma boy or the really cute (tall!) cop who was in the lobby of the hotel last night for some reason which I believe relates to today's Puerto Rican parade. Mmm, I wanted to see his nightstick!

Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll be at the hotel again today. Probably he'll have more important things to deal with - like drunk Puerto Ricans. Bliss!

Xenophilia

Yes, Mike is right. I do like to travel a lot. And I have just purchased a plane ticket for my farthest, longest flight ever. Something tells me that a two hour layover between a 13 hour flight and a 6 hour flight is not going to be entirely enough.

Where do you get when you spend 20 hours on a Boeing 747? Thailand.

I've always wanted to go to Asia, and Thailand and Japan are the two countries there I've most wanted to visit. Tokyo is crazy expensive, though, so Thailand is winning for this trip. I'm really excited. They have gorgeous temples, a snake farm, a special elephant zoo, 95 degree weather and plenty of humidity, and lots of Thai food, too.

There is also, so I am told, a frightfully overactive gay scene with tons of boys who are available for a price. At this point, I don't plan to have sex with any of them, as I'm not really a rice queen (plus they evidently have a substantial HIV problem there, in addition to hepatitis and all sorts of nastiness). But I might do something naughty like make two Thai boys put on a sex show for me.

Excuse me, I have to go get some immunizations now.

A Sad Day for Homosexuals

As you may have figured out, when it's my day off, I like to scour the net for interesting links. But today, I have determined, between this and this, and the rain outside, well... it's a sad day.

I'll write something more personal in lieu of links sometime soon. But just not right now. Right now, I have some Jello to eat.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Thanks to Sitemeter, I had a visitor whose ISP is army.mil. The scary thing is that this visitor found me through a websearch for "Strap on dildo training." I'm number 63.

I feel validated now.

I Doo!

So they'll let dogs marry but not homos?

The Times Strikes Again

I just read this book review at nytimes.com.

All I have to say about it is... If I had written that review as a "book report," I sure would have gotten a bad grade.

Damn You, Weather.com

So I have an errand that I have to run. Simple errand. Could have done it yesterday, but decided to wait until today. Of course, since I decided to wait yesterday, when weather.com said that it was supposed to be nice both afternoons, well, now I have to pay the price. I'm going to get wet. Because even though weather.com says that it's only a 30% chance of rain today, there's a giant green rainstorm that's about to hit NYC according to their weather radar on the same page. So I'm gonna get wet. Why? Because the errand is to go to Randall's Island and pick up some Cirque du Soleil tickets. I guess I'll wear my rain coat.

In other news, one of my favorite bloggers has returned to the blogging world. Hooray!

In yet more news, I actually went to the grocery store yesterday. I'd been a bum for a while and had been eating practically everything from take-out. It probably started when I was about to go to Spain - all that travelling meant why bother having fresh food in the house? Somehow, the funk/depression that descended on me this spring kept me in more of a delivery mode than a cooking mode. But I have had my first home-prepared meal in months, and I will tell you this: Crispix do not stay entirely crispy in milk. Well, I used soy milk so maybe there's something in soy that de-crispifies more than cow milk does? Maybe I should run an experiment.

Or maybe I need to get out more.

UPDATE:

I made it to Randall's Island, and the only wet that I got was from sweat. Somehow, according to the latest Doppler Weather Radar, the rain decided to turn right before getting to NYC. Lucky me! Of course, we've got a 70% chance of it hitting us tonight, so I better take my brolly to work.

Those Were the Good Old Days

Remember when we were little and all the TV shows we used to watch had fabulous theme songs?

Why don't TV shows have good theme songs anymore? Even "Reba," which stars a woman who was huge as a singer before she started the TV show, there's only two lines of the song. But I can still sing many of the songs from memory, and the other ones, well, you know, if I hear it, I seem to have instant recall. Even the shows that were already well into syndication when I was young. From "Mr. Ed" to "Gilligan's Island" to "Gimme a Break" to "The Facts of Life" to "Growing Pains," not to mention the Bradys and the Jeffersons.

But the only contemporary show that I can think of with a real, honest to God theme song is "Friends." Makes you wonder, no?

In other news, I have been quite impressed by the stupidity of so many people in the world. How on earth can you be too stupid to work at Starbucks? Or, the guy who just made the delivery from the diner? If it's $20.35, and I give you $40, and ask for $16 back, isn't that all good? You try explaining that to the guy.